Only thing we have to fear is fear itself (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
(from “Dune”)


Fear - taste the word. Fear is never good - well, almost never good. Sometimes a little dose of fear prevents us from doing stupid things out of overconfidence. But in general fear is the root of a lot of the bad things in this world. Fear prevents us from thinking - it usually only leave three choices: Flight, fight or freeze - none of these reactions are very smart! Very fearful people might actually fear to fear - what I will call metafear (new word?). The freezing effect of both fear and fear of fear is always  bad. Thinking is good - fear is bad. Can you think if you are afraid?

When you look at hate, racism and violence in this world, the root is often fear. A very afraid person might react in just this way. I remember I saw an interview with a young Mike Tyson. And this guy - who seem to be a monster (I think he had 12 straight knockout wins at the time) - was crying from fear! I thought a lot about it and I think a lot of really tough people are only 'tough' because they are (very) afraid.
In retrospect I have realized that fear has played a big role in my life. It has prevented me from doing a lot of things I wanted to do (fear of failure etc.). It has also provoked me to do stupid actions and in general it has lowered the quality of my life at various times.

Now why all this talk about fear, worry and being afraid?

I am convinced we can confront our fear and learn to think instead of being afraid - and probably make the world a much better place in the process. Now, I am not trying to be a guru here, even though it sounds that way :) Anyway the book 'Transcending fear - conquering the enemy within' by Brian Germain (parachute-guy among other things) was recommended to me here at CF and it is really good - thanks! 

I am not going to get anymore into how we will all be Yoda instead of Dart Vader if we let go of the fear, but instead turn to what really interests you, dear reader: How fear affect poker!

In general we are not afraid when we play poker - right?  Well, not really in a way - if you play according to good bankroll management you are never afraid to lose a pot - would also make me  play worse if I was. So how does fear affect me? 

I am afraid of playing badly! I am afraid of getting into tough spots and not knowing what to do. So sometimes I take a suboptimal line just to avoid being put in a tough spot!  That is very bad when you aspire (like I do) to become the best player you can become. I just can't help it sometimes. I sit there and he raises me and fear grabs a hold of me and I stop thinking. It is not that I want to stop thinking it is just so hard. Then what do I do? I return to what can be labeled as alibi-poker! Something like - I will stake of with toppair top kicker in reraised pots etc. So when I feel the fear I think less! And that is bad because it is exactly here I really need to think!

And here comes also the metafear, because I know that I will fear those tough spots where I am afraid - not of losing - but of making a mistake! It is not that I am shivering with fear while playing. But I do get these small rushes of fear - I think everybody does. So how not to go catatonic?

I had the same problem in chess for a long time! I was looking for ways to AVOID or lower the responsibility - the fear and tension was too much to handle. I finally realized this problem and managed to change my way. What I did was basically to take full responsibility for my results (confront my fear and accept my shortcomings). Now that sound weird, right? How can you not take full responsibility for your results? Look inside and you will find the answer.. .
So I need to do the same in poker. What you need to do when you feel fear (and we all do) is to slow down and think - and thereby create the space you need to find a solution - hopefully one that is not instincts telling you to run, fight or hide without having considered the alternatives.

This blog turned out very confusing - sorry - still the thing to take away from this is:
1) accept that you have fear - everybody does
2) confront it by slowing down and trying to think
3) thereby you (hopefully) create enough space 'within' to find a good solution

My project on Bet24 (see earlier blog) is hit by nasty variance - not fear :) And humanbot (my nick) is down 8 buy-ins (was down 16 at one point). The all-in EV says I should be up with 4 buy-ins (so rigged!) so I don't fear for the future..