But when you put your arms around me
I'll be looking over your shoulder for something new
'cause I ain't ever found peace upon the breast of a girl
I ain't ever found peace with the religion of the world
I ain't ever found peace at the bottom of a glass...
The only true freedom is freedom from the heart's desires
(The The from here)


I really really want to play highstakes poker as a regular...
I really really want to be filthy rich...
I really really want to live somewhere else (especially in the winter)...
I really really want that sixpack (back)
I really really want to become a dad...
I really really want to be absolutely tiltless when I play poker...
I really want to see the whole world (maybe except Afghanistan)...
I really really want to... (fill out the blanks)


Very realistic goals, right? You probably have some of them yourself? Who wouldn't want to play highstakes poker, have a sixpack or be filthy rich?? So what do YOU do about it, sir?


Well, ok I am probably getting too offensive here so let me explain what this is all about (got your attention I hope). Well,
 basically
action speaks louder than words!
 that was the short version and if you are busy you can skip the rest. If you really want to play nosebleed poker, you know you have to pay, don’t ya? Yeah those guys they did pay, a lot, to get there. It wasn't a walk in the park but very hard work all the way. So if you want to go that way you better start working (and forget about life for a while).


A goal without a deadline (or a plan) is just a dream... So when I say or write that I want to become a regular at say NL2000 am I really telling the truth? Probably not!
When I was studying economics there was a concept called revealed preferences. It is basically a tool to discern people's utility functions (you know yours?) from their actions.


I think it makes some sense in theory and a lot in praxis when we try to open that black box which is you and me. Most of us are actually not aware or completely in tune with our preferences. We think we are but our actions often tell a different story.


I actually know (now) that I don't really want to play nosebleeds. I wouldn't want to pay the price in time, stress and uncertainty. I am just not cut out for it (and probably I am just too dumb to go there even if I wanted to). But it took a long time for me to realize that this was not really a true preference for me. There are many reasons why it is difficult to find your preferences...


One of them is the fear of disappointment. When you go for something - like say getting to the big tables - you risk not making it. So can you really bear that you tried, I mean really really tried, but couldn't do it? Defeats can be devastating and maybe it is easier to say you tried but knowing (with yourself) that you didn't?


Another form of disappointment is to actually get there and then realize it wasn't what you thought it would be? I remember getting depressed after becoming a chess grandmaster (the meaning of life? LOL) and Hallbergs life probably worsened after he won the world championship title. As you get older you realize that fulfilling one goal (like getting that girl, that watch or that car) is not enough to make you happy, actually not even close.


Ok back to revealed preferences or shall we say: a way around NOT deluding yourself...
If you say you want something but do nothing about it... then maybe it is not what you really want, wouldn't you agree? (hey, don't just shrug your shoulder, think about it, god dammit!!).


But hey I know I really really want to be a good guy (a little late for that), but I am trying. And I also know I really really want to be tiltless... I promised something about that in my last blog, like a year and 500 beers ago... So it is coming soon to a blog near you. Ahh that was too cryptic: we will have a week of tiltless poker together soon, me and you, don't you want that too?