"So here I am, BUSTO, on the way to my own funeral, carrying my good health and heart in a bodybag - and dating my dick. " So says the Danish pro Peter "Zupp" Jepsen in his blog on Betfair.


Jepsen rose to poker prominence with his win at the PokerStars EPT Warsaw in 2007. But as you can guess from the quote above, 2009 was another matter altogether, as he says it was "worse than I ever thought possible". Here are the cliff notes:

1. He didn't cash a single time in tournaments in 2009.
2. Cash games were an endless string of suckouts, bad beats and tilt. "I sincerely wouldn't hope for this to happen even to my worst enemy," Jepsen says.
3. All of his investments collapsed.
4. Every "SOB" that owed him money either disappeared or said they are broke and can't ever repay him.
5. The Danish tax authority closed their case against him and sent him a huge bill. "I squeezed the last drop of blood out of my sore ass, and paid it all," he says.
6. His health collapsed: swine flu, broken foot, chronic inflammation in his fingers making it impossible to use his hands properly, headaches.
7. Due to all this he became so messed up his girlfriend couldn't take it anymore and left.

"So here I am, BUST-fucking-O, on the way to my own funeral, carrying my good health and heart in a bodybag - and dating my dick," is Jepsen's final verdict.

Looking at his options, he can only see three ways out of his predicament: "There's a shotgun and a bank to the left, and a rope and a coffin to the right, and straight ahead lies the endless desert."

The only good thing is, he will choose the desert. Read the whole entry on Betfair.